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And If I fly or if I fall
Least I can say, I gave it all
And If I fly or if I fall
I'm on my way, I'm on my way

I've not used this in years. It's not ... conventional. I like to think I've become better at communication, either that or I've become better at deceiving myself. I don't know if I care which one it is, to be honest. Ignorance is bliss, after all.


I've had... days... weeks.. months.. years.. to go through things. I'm.. OK. with my history. At least the part of me that is in control tonight seems to be rather OK.

I'm not great at landing my thoughts, recently all the alternatives have been running through my mind. Should I stay in Oslo? Or should I move back home? Should I try to date anyone? Should I ask? Right now I feel like I could take the rejection just fine, but ideally - I'd know what the reaction would be before asking. Leap of faith? Nah. 

I actually started with Tinder, not cause I want someone from Tinder, but.. to just.. have random conversations without meaning, without any... substance of importance. I mean, I'm still under the belief that the person that is right for me isn't on Tinder. However, given enough time in a situation similar to mine, and with good friends around you, not wanting you to be alone... The probability of someone perfect actually being on Tinder increases. So.. maybe. I don't know. I don't really invest anything there. Other than fun whenever I see profiles that are WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this; I'm having fewer episodes. At least lately. Maybe I'm better? I'm also not feeling so strongly about my quirky side. I'm.. not necessarily suppressing it but... handling it better, it feels like... but.. maybe not pour the champagne just yet?